I am feeling a bit disconnected with Bean's D care.
It's an odd thing to say because I'm still counting carbs, weighing food, doing basal adjustments, changing IC ratios, waking up in the middle of the night to check her BG...all the D care stuff. Everything I've been doing for the past 16 months.
It's the 'school care' part that I'm feeling most disconnected from at the moment.
That's another odd thing to say since I'm AT Bean's school now. But, I'm out in a portable, not in the main building. And that's actually a good thing because she's going through this weird, clingy phase at the moment and I think it would be really difficult for her if I were more accessible.
There's a disconnect because I'm not always the first call or text when something's up with Bean. And with her doing more of her own care in the classroom, my main point of contact (the secretary, because we still have a nurse only a few hours a week) doesn't see her as much as she did last year.
I'm thankful that Bean is able to do more of her own care in the classroom...especially being on the third floor...but it makes for some gaps in information that are driving me a bit nuts.
Thank God for Wilma (our dexcom 7 plus CGM). She is helping me fill in those gaps.
I can see the horrible post breakfast spike that I still can't figure out.
I can see her dip low (far too often lately) in the afternoon for no apparent reason. And then the lovely bump from the trusty apple juice.
I can see her sky rocket when she feels she's too low to dose for lunch and then forgets to dose at all until she's in the 300s.
But even seeing all that data, I feel so disconnected with what's going on with her.
The BG numbers tell one story, while the CGM graphs tell another.
I'm adjusting basal rates to try to ward off the highs only to end up with lows instead.
I'm adjusting IC ratios to try to ward off the super spikes with no success.
Even though I am still a full time pancreas, I feel disconnected.
I look at the numbers, the graphs and it's like I'm looking at something completely foreign.
Not that I don't understand, there's just something that's keeping me at arm's length.
Like I just can't focus.
Almost like I'm looking at someone else's kid's numbers. They mean something, but don't mean something to me.
I'm frustrated. Not just with the disconnect but with the issues Bean is having because of the disconnect.
I think it's going to take a appointment with our NP and CDE to bring some clarity.
I'm hoping they can see what I'm unable to see no matter how hard I look.
There has to be a reconnect...for my sake and for Bean's!