Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Eve of Another Week

It seems like my days just keep running into each other.

Turning into weeks that have gone by and months that I've lost track of.
  (and just for the record I don't like that I ended the sentence with of, but it sounds so pretentious to say 'months of which I have lost track.') ;)

It's been a whirlwind of insanity around our house and I'm just about done with it all.

Yes, I am ecstatic that I am back in the classroom as an actual contracted teacher.  But, you see, I am also doing along term sub in the mornings, so I am actually working full time and teaching three grades: one in the morning and a combo in the afternoon.  So it makes for a ridiculously fragmented day that makes me feel like I have a split personality.

Bug is, as a result, having to go to full time child care and she really doesn't like it at all.  And who could blame her?  We are currently looking into other options because Ubergeek and I both are super tired of hearing how she's not going there in the morning each night at bedtime.

Bean is stuck between little girl and tween.  She wants to still be that little girl, but I can see the internal struggle of independence and trying to figure things out going on.

Diabetes is.  Yep, it just is.  I haven't had the energy to pay it much attention, and thankfully it hasn't needed a whole lot of it.  Sure, there have been the middle of the night checks...but those are WAY easier with the dexcom G4 being in our bedroom...and there have been the random tweaks of basal rates and carb ratios.  But, I haven't given D the time of day some days and while part of me is OK with that, I know that it's not really doing Bean any favors for me to be complacent.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll be asking to not have an A1c done at her next visit.  I just can't handle the judgment that comes with that stupid number.  Granted, we have a while, but as things sit right now there's no way I'm subjecting myself to that kind of guilt.

With the busy comes all sorts of other things that get left by the wayside.
Laundry piles up...thankfully most of it is clean, but it's still in piles!  I did get around to folding today, but the folded piles are still on the living room floor!  UGH!
Dishes get pulled out of the dishwasher instead of being put into the cabinets and another load is loaded only when we are totally out of knives or spoon or cups or whatever seems to be the most needed item at the moment.
Don't even ask me about the last time I vacuumed or cleaned the toilets!

I just can't do it all.  And while I know I shouldn't be expected to do it all, I feel like I need to do it all because I'm always the one who does it all!  Would the world stop turning if I didn't do something...obviously not because it's still making it's way around the sun!  But, I feel like the world that is our house will eventually collapse around us if I let one more thing slide.

I'm tired.  I'm stressed.  I'm nearing the end of my rope and it's starting to fray so there's little hope of tying a knot.

I would like to start the week without looking at it going 'holy crap, how it the world are we going to make it until Friday!?!'

Sorry my first post in forever is such a whining, complaining mess.  That's just where I am right now and I have to start somewhere so I can get back into the swing of blogging because I've missed it and all my wonderful DOC family!