Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Miffed/Pissed in Minn/StPaul

Um.....I am at a loss at where to begin this post.

Let's start off by letting you know that I'm currently sitting on my mother's couch!! :)  Flights were a bit bumpy but being on an airplane by myself was really nice....first time that's happened in seven years.  I totally felt like I was forgetting a TON of stuff...like the girls! :)

So, on my layover, I called Ubergeek to let him know I had made it 'halfway' and to see how things were going at home.  He was a little on edge about a comment that had been made in response to my 'complaining' post.

He read it to me and I, too, was quite irritated.  

Since this commenter chose to stay anonymous, I cannot email him/her directly to set him/her straight.

So, I'll be happy to do it so everyone can read it.  The original comment will be in italics and my response will be in bold.

At one year post-dx, I am puzzled as to why Uber-geek has not been trained to treat a low blood sugar of 70, and, since he was already up, wait an extra 15 minutes to recheck his child's blood sugar. 
Ubergeek has been fully trained on how to treat a low blood sugar of 70.  He was with Bean (and me) at the hospital when she was diagnosed and for all of the training.  He has taken off work for every NP and CDE appointment, being fully engaged and involved in the discussions.  
He is not the one who does the night checks and on that particular night had been up very late working with a client so he wouldn't need to take time away from the girls while I am gone.  While I was annoyed that he fell asleep, I wasn't surprised...he's one of those lucky people who can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Having only one parent do all the D care is unfair, and dangerous. Treating a 70, and checking to see how much IOB is left is routine and is not beyond the capabilities of anyone in our household; this includes siblings, grandparents, etc. and the child herself, since the age of 9 or 10, if she is awake.
Ubergeek is involved in Bean's D-care, just not on the level I am.  He's more than  capable...he's the one who is totally in charge while I'm out of the state this week, so obviously he knows what he's doing!
Treating a 70 is not beyond the capabilities of anyone in our household either....in fact Bug (who is not quite 3) knows that when Bean is low she needs a snack!  Bean, who is not quite 7 1/2 is aware of her lows (and even wakes from them at times) and has been since about a month post dx. 
Ubergeek's hesitation (if you could even call it that) was his way of processing through several options and wanting me to have a chance to wake up and process what I thought would be best.   We use different snacks for different 'lows' and have been trying different combinations, so he wanted to make sure he was on the same wave length.

 If a spouse is too exhausted, at some point he/she won't respond to the alarm when he/she needs to, sleep through it with possibly dangerous consequences.
On this night in particular, Ubergeek checked Bean a good 45mins before my alarm was set to go off.  He very well could have kept her from going even lower before I checked her, thus preventing a possibly dangerous consequence!  

 I would take uber post haste back to the endos office and have him trained properly. 
As stated before, Ubergeek has been to all appointments.  Just because he is not the primary D-care giver does not mean he wasn't or isn't trained properly.

And uber should be more considerate of his spouse's need for a few hours uninterrupted sleep, which is probably about all she gets most nights.
While I agree that more uninterrupted sleep would be nice, I have the ability most days to grab a nap during Bug's nap.  Ubergeek, however, doesn't have the luxury of napping at work and he also works with clients some evenings which has afforded me the ability to be a stay at home mom for the past seven years.

I think that about covers it. 

Oh, wait...one more thing.....unless you take the time to really get to know my family, you have no right to criticize how we do D at our house.  Even then you still don't have the right to criticize, but may offer some words of advice from your personal experience that we would take or leave as we saw fit.  

Are we perfect....hell to the no.  

Do we do our best every hour of every day....yes, yes we do.  

Do we strive to do even better....um, duh, YES!

Everyone living life with D does it a bit differently.  Respect and understanding is what we need....not criticism, especially from anonymous people.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Tissues and Test Strips

Yesterday was a pod change day.

We've been doing them before dinner for months so we could make sure it was 'good to go' for school the next day.

Most of the time we're 'good to go' with in the first few hours...but not lately.  Lately...like for the past four or so pods....we've battled highs for most of the night, finally seeing nice numbers by breakfast.

Last night was no exception to our recent lack of 'good to go' situation!

I'm not going to go into the BG-loggy details because I just don't really feel like it or want to bog down this post with all the numbers ;) ....suffice it to say that between 6:29PM and 6:25AM Bean's BG was checked 9 times because of stubborn highs!!

Because of me trying something different (cranking her basal and doing a smaller correction instead of just doing the 'big' correction like I usually do, and Ubergeek not being totally OK with her going to bed during my 'science experiment,' Bean hung out at the end of our bed for most of the night.

Not a ton of sleeping was going on, needless to say, with her being high at the end of our bed and not wanting to drift off to dreamland like I soooo wanted to do.

This is the way the dresser looked this morning.  (it acts as our footboard and is a great little 'table' for Bean to use when she tests.)

Can I just say that I love that the little pouch the Brighton charm I won from a Sugar Bolus from Heidi at D-Tales is in the back ground....just perfect!

Oh, and the pink curler.....Bean wanted curlers in her hair last night after her bath.  And since I'm going to be gone for the next six days, her having curly will make things a bit easier in the hair department!  I'm always amazed at how long the curls last and how much 'not dirty' her hair looks when it's curly!!

...and it's usually stick straight...

I'm off to Atlanta in eight hours...gotta cover some grays, pack my bags, and snag a quick nap...wish me luck!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The one where I complain...

...because it's 2:05 in the morning and I'm not sleeping!

OK, so we all know the Ubergeek has some mad skillz.

And we're all aware of his talent for mixing the tunes.

BUT, he's not so great in the 'proper tone of voice to use when he's had the I think I should test Bean feeling' when he's stayed up way too late and I'm already peacefully slumbering and have set my alarm based on the check I did before said sleep.  (She was 213 at 10:15pm...totally a number worthy of close to four hours before I was going to check her.)

Now, I'm appreciative of the feeling because he's 99% spot on.  He's caught a few lows and a few would be lows, and that's great.  Take tonight, rather this morning, for example.

Ubergeek is finally coming up to bed after working with a computer client (what did you think he did with a name like Ubergeek?!?) and decides that he's going to check Bean.  (Something he occasionally does.)  I hear him stomping back from Bean's room...OK, it sounds like stomping to me because it wakes me up...and he proceeds to loudly check the alarm clock by the bed to see when I was planning to get up.
I remind him that I don't use that alarm (I have a tendency to sleep through it!) and that I was getting up at 2...which would be in about 45 minutes.  He then proceeds to announce in a what I hear as really loud and 'your pancreas skills suck at the moment' kind of tone, that Bean is at 71 and he'd like to know what we're going to do about it.  I guess in my 'still trying to shake the wonderfulness of the deep sleep I was in' pause before my answer he lets me know that I can give him my decision after he brushes his teeth.  OK, now I'm fully awake and getting pissed.

I get myself up and head downstairs to get Bean a sqeeze applesauce (gets her up nicely, but slower than juice and I'm not really looking for a big 'up' at the moment) and snack cheese (a little protein and fat to hold her once she's 'up') and head back upstairs and into her room...not forgetting to judgmentally take note of the glow of light from underneath the bathroom door.  After a bit of coaxing, Bean eats her snack and is practically snoring oh so softly as soon as she's asked where she was to have had to have a snack and her head hits the pillow.

I head back to bed, where Ubergeek is snuggled under the covers.  He proceeds to talk....sounds a lot like all the adults in Charlie Brown because I'm listening through tired and pissed off ears.  I respond with some snarky replies.  He asks if I'm going to be checking her in 15 minutes and I say of course.  Four minutes later, he's snoring and I'm laying there waiting for the rest of the 11 minutes to pass...stewing, getting irritated, and forming this blog in my mind!

I check Bean again...103, nice, and I know she'll be coming up more...and head back to bed.  Reset the alarm on my phone for 3 because that's what I do...I get up and check multiple times on nights like this (don't we all?!) and try to settle back to sleep.

Obviously that didn't work since I'm on the computer and not back in dreamland!

I tried, really I did.  I found that comfy spot, closed my eyes, and tried to go back to sleep.  It rarely happens that I can't fall back to sleep...hasn't happened for a really long time.  But tonight, um this morning, not so much.

So, I'm up with all the other D-Moms and D-Dads who are up checking on their kiddos this morning.  Those of you crazy people on the east coast that get up this early in the morning...Hi Reyna! ;)

I guess it's a good thing that I forgot to put flour on my list when I ran out to the store to get cookie ingredients or I would have downed several by now!  Maybe a banana is a better choice and with the leg cramps I've been waking up with lately, definitely a better choice!

So, off to eat a banana and try to get to sleep....not that that will be an easy thing to do because I can hear Ubergeek snoring from upstairs!!

You can bet your sweet bippy that he'll be the one on breakfast duty in the morning!!! ;)

**Edited to add....206 at 2:45, thank you very much!  The banana was yummy and I'm off to try to sleep until 5!**

Friday, May 27, 2011

Freitag ist gut!

Roselady over at Diapeepees started Good Fridays...
a day to reflect on the 'good' of the week, no D allowed!  
Freitag is gut....Friday is good!!   
I had to think of a title, so I figure why not a different language?  
That's German, in case you were wondering...
Anyone from Germany reading today? Would be really cool to know!!

1.  New purse!!  My friend makes purses, bags, wallets, etc.  I have a small purse that she made me a couple of years ago...gosh, maybe three by now, that I totally love.  BUT, now that I have to tote way more than just my wallet, phone, and keys, I needed a bigger bag.  I've been using a 'store bought' one and really don't like it.  So, I asked my friend to make me a bigger one.....

and yes, I'm totally thinking future Sugar Bolus!

2.  A little 'me' time.  This evening I get to venture out all by myself for a while.  Getting my hair cut and going to try to find some clothes for my upcoming trip for my nephew's graduation.  Not really excited about the clothes shopping, but I have to have clothes for the trip, so wish me luck!!

3.  My girls.  Yes, they totally drive me nuts most of the time.  Yes, they have a hard time treating each other nicely for any length of time.  BUT, they truly are the sweetest girls.  They have such loving hearts (even if they haven't figured out those hearts are big enough for each other!) and I know they are destined for greatness in this world.

feeding ducks at a friend's farm in Georgia this past January

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Me? six until me...Me?

OK, so I'm just beside myself at the moment.  Flabbergasted, shell shocked, shaking my head in disbelief....enter the synonym or saying of your choice and that's me!

First, let me publicly THANK YOU, DOC for your comments and love for Type 1 D-Moms song.  I don't think that I posted a thank you, probably because I was and still am in disbelief about the whole thing.....so THANK YOU!!  I have to tell you that I've been overwhelmed by the whole thing...something that I was just doing to bring a smile to a few around the handful blogs I knew has turned into this ridiculous world-wide thing.  I guess that's what can happen when you post something on the world wide web!! DUH!!

Second, not to toot my own horn...because truly I'm still in shock that this song is 'out there'....but I was mentioned on six until me today.  Me...on six until me...crazy!!  Oh, and if you haven't seen the other song she mentions in the post by ShugaSheen, it's a must see!  Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to do a video!

Third,....um.....nope, I got nuthin'

Love you all....seriously...mag, huge love for all the wonderful friends I've made in the short weeks I've been blogging.  Love, love, love!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Lurking in the Archives

Ever had one of those days that you just needed to read and read and read and read blogs?

One of those days when you needed 'same' and you needed A LOT of it?

One of those days when the posts of that day were not nearly enough?

Well, I have those days often!!

I am a reader at heart.  I remember the days of starting a book and not putting it down until it was finished.  The glorious days of curling up on the couch and just getting lost within the pages of a wonderful book.  The hours and hours of sleep that were tossed out the window because there was no way I was putting the book down until I was to a good stopping point...or the book was complete.  Ah, I miss those days....wish I could have the sleep back, but oh, well!!

Now my reading material of choice is BLOGS!!!

Hi, my name is Denise and I am addicted to reading blogs....DOC blogs to be exact.  Blogs of other D-moms and D-dads and PWD that fill my cup when it's empty with the sameness that we all long for.

So, back to the title...I have been lurking in the archives of some of the 50 (yes, I just counted all of the ones I have listed in my blog roll and it's a nice, even 50!) that I read.  I need to actually 'follow' them...I hadn't done that yrt mainly because I didn't have an image for my profile and didn't one to be one of the faceless followers.  Now that I have an image, I need to start 'following' all of you wonderful bloggers...

Wow, can we get back to the post, please?!?!  Serious attention span issues today!

When I was first introduced to the DOC (didn't even know what those letters meant a few short months ago) I immersed myself in Joanne's Death of a Pancreas.  I felt a kinship to her and wanted to read every word she ever typed.  (In fact when I started this blog and she was the first to comment, I just about lost it!  I was giddy; I was giggly; I wasn't able to go to sleep until I had emailed her.)  I spent hours and hours reading her posts; nodding my head in agreement, crying tears of pain and joy, washed in the knowledge that I wasn't alone in this D life.

Then I ventured out into the DOC and discovered (thanks to those wonderful blog rolls...thanks, everyone, for sharing what you read...it opens new possibilities for friendships 'out there') many other blogs; many other moms up at all hours checking BGs; many other moms fretting over those numbers, trying to make sense of them; many other moms not letting D get the best of them or their kids; many PWD who could shed light on what the future might hold.

That held me for a while.  My reading bug was satiated.  Then I got hungry again.  I needed more...I needed, wanted to connect with some of this bloggers that I was reading every day or so.

So I delved into Reyna's world at BETA BUDDIES.  I had to go a bit 'slower' with those posts because there's only so much laughing I can do at one time...and I was tired of being asked what I was reading because it's not like I can read some of those posts to my almost three year old!!! ;)  But, still, I devoured them.  I laughed, cried, muttered FFS under my breath along with her. ;)  Felt more 'same.'

Then D-Blog Week came along and I was rolling in posts to read!  I was in HEAVEN!!  More posts everyday than I could possibly read.  New D-moms, new D-dads, new PWD, new 'same!'

But then it was over and I needed to pick another blog from which to get my fix.  Now I'm delving into the swelling brain of Meri over at Our Diabetic Life.  It's been so much fun 'getting to know' her, her three boys with D and one without, and her adorable dog (so, so, so jealous!!).

I'm getting close to being 'current' over there and will pick another blog to go lurk in the archives.  It's just what I do....just something that keeps my need to read fulfilled while keeping my cup of same filled, too.
Sure, I could be folding laundry or cleaning toilets, but who the heck in their right mind would choose that over reading a blog?!?!

Um, not me!!

So, if you are ever in need of a same fix and you've read all of new posts for the day, take a looky-loo in the archives of one of the many, many blogs out there.  You'll be amazed that it doesn't matter that it's the middle of May and the sun is shining and you are reading a post from December....same is same all year long!  D doesn't care what season it is, what time zone you are in, what country you are in for that matter!!  Just knowing at that moment that someone else has 'been there' is a wonderful thing!!

Now, off to tend to the toilets that are in dire need of cleaning....can't be all blogs, all the time!!

Monday, May 23, 2011

A Teachable Moment

Picture it:  Alaska, 2011; first Monday of summer vacation, 5:09pm

Not really the scene for a 'teachable moment' because isn't all of the learning supposed to be done for the next three months?

Oh, but I forgot....D doesn't take a vaca, ever!!

So, there Bean sat.  Eyeballing her yummy cheese tortellini (a huge fav of hers), practically drooling while she's testing her BG.

A lovely 94 pops up and she asks a question that gets asked A LOT each day around here "how many carbs?"

I answer 76...tortellini, sauce, milk and 2 dark chocolate kisses for dessert (another huge fav).  She enters the carbs, and tells me that it wants to give her 2.00units.  I say OK because I totally trust the calculations of her PDM, but she hesitates.  Something she rarely does.

She asks if she should lower it and I ask why and she says because of the 94.  (Um, hello? When did my 7yr old, dx for 14 days shy of  a year start wondering if she should lower her dose based on her BG?!?!?)

I try to explain that the PDM already calculated for her number but all I get is a relatively blank stare.  I tell her to go ahead and dose and I'll show her when it's done.

When the 'beep' sounds that lets us know that the bolus has been delivered, I go into the screen to show her why 2.00units was the correct dose.  In case you haven't seen and OmniPod PDM, here's what it looks like:

Based on Bean's settings, the PDM calculates the coverage for her meal, then subtracts for what we've put in for her target BG if she's lower than that target (adds if she's higher) and subtracts any insulin on board (IOB) from a previous correction within 3 hours (another setting for how long the insulin 'lasts' for her).

So, talking her through each line...she's a visual learner like her mother..she says "oh, that's why 2.00units is right...cool."

I love the fact that she's cluing into how her insulin is calculated. I hate that she has to know something that should be just done for her by her body!!

It's amazing that she's starting to understand that how much insulin she gets should be effected by her BG number.

It is normal to be proud and utterly sad at the same time?  It was a weird mix of emotions as we chatted about I:C ratios, IOB, and target BG as she scarfed her tortellini tonight.

I wonder what the rest of the summer will hold.....

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My life is on "SCAN"

So I have this bad habit of letting the radio in the car (no, it's not really a car, but I call everything a car unless it's an actual truck and even then there's no guarantee that I won't call it a car...but I digress) run on 'scan' for long periods of time.  

Maybe it's because there's not a station I want to leave it on all the time.  Well, there was a time that I would only have it on KLOVE (a Christian station) but after my dad passed away there were way too many songs that would leave me in tears and when you're driving that's just not a good thing.  

So, I started trying out the other stations that had been programmed on those lovely preset buttons.  But they didn't have long stretches of songs that I'd want to listen to...or even two songs in a row for that matter.  So, I would hit the scan button and just let it go 'round and 'round until I heard something I wanted to listen to or had reached my destination.  Bug didn't mind; Bean didn't mind...although she would get frustrated if she heard part of a song she'd want to listen to but if I didn't know it (and thus knew it was OK) I would let the scan continue.  Well, Ubergeek REALLY minds.  To him, it's like fingernails on a blackboard come to find out.  We aren't in the same car (see? and what's funny is we don't even own a car) very often so it wasn't ever really an issue; but yesterday it just about ruined our marriage.  OK, so I'm exaggerating A LOT here, but he was visibly irritated and even turned off the radio all together with quite the flourish!

So, I tried to explain to him why it doesn't bother me in the least that the radio goes 'round and 'round on scan, pausing at each station for a mere 5 seconds (although if it's a terrible song, it seems like forever!) because in actuality my life runs on scan!  

I hang out with Bug all day who enjoys having Yo Gabba Gabba on even if she's not really watching it.  So I pretty much tune it out unless she insists I acknowledge something Foofa or Brobee has said or done.  Usually takes about 5 seconds.  That same almost three year old has a tendency to bounce from activity to activity, like any normal preschooler does.  So at one moment she could be asking me to help her find the crayons so she can color (takes about 5 seconds) or asking for a snack and then going through the pantry listing all of her choices (takes about 5 seconds), or engaging me in some random conversation (takes about 5 seconds).  

Then there's Bean.  She's almost 7, but she has a tendency to flit from activity to activity until she lands on something she wants to spend hours on.  And there is always some random thought that pops into her head that she just has to share with me (takes about 5 seconds).  Add D into the mix and there's a series of '5 second' sounds...unzipping the case; cocking and popping the lancing device; the beep (blood has hit the strip) to the beep, beep (when the number pops up, if she's not low or high); the putting in of carbs, the telling of the dose, then the giving of the dose.

Then there are the series of '5 seconds' that I'm able to actually concentrate on things without being interrupted by Bug or Bean or Ubergeek or the phone or a text or, or, or!   Loading the dishwasher while finding crayons or listening to the 'beep...beep,beep.'  Doing the laundry shuffle while reminding the girls to 'be kind' or telling them for the millionth time that no, it's not time for a snack yet.  Or take this post for example, I have lost track of the number of times I've been interrupted in 5 second intervals!!!

So the fact that I can take a 10 or more minute drive in the car (really, what is it with me a calling it a car?!?!) with the radio on scan and it not even phase me shouldn't really come as a surprise!  

My life is on SCAN!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Joining the "Good Fridays" Fun!

Roselady over at Diapeepees started Good Fridays...a day to reflect on the 'good' of the week, no D allowed!  

I've been wanting to join in on the "Good Fridays" fun for  a while.  Today seems like a great time to start since I'm at a total loss on what to blog after my song has created such a hub-bub. ;)

1.  My ticket is booked to go to my nephew's graduation!!  I get to go hang out with my sister, her family, and my mother all by myself for six days!  Totally excited about being able to be there for my nephew (his ultrasound pictures were on the wall of my college freshman dorm room and I quit my summer job a couple of weeks early because they didn't want to give me any time off after he was born) but I'm a little anxious about leaving Ubergeek in charge for that long!!

2.  SCHOOL IS OUT!!  OK, so I'm not totally convinced that's a 'good' thing because Bean and Bug aren't the best about getting along for longer than about 15 minutes, BUT it does mean we don't have to be up and out of the house by 7:55am and that is a 'good' thing!  I was still in bed snoozing when Bean came in at 8:04 to let me know she was awake...lovely!

3.  The sun rose today at 5 this morning and won't go down until almost 11 tonight!  Love, love, love our long days of sunlight!!  With that sunshine has come leaves on trees, green grass, and little green shoots coming up in the flower bed.  Sure, it's almost the end of May and my crocuses are just showing up, but whatever!

Happy Friday, everyone! :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I'll Spare You the Cupcakes!

I thought I'd join in the 'making a fool of myself' fun....hope you enjoy!!

music credit to punkprincess01
recording and mixing help from Ubergeek

If you aren't familiar with the original song, you can watch it here.  
It will help explain the afore mentioned cupcakes from which I am sparing you if you aren't clear why you are being spared!! ;)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Blogger ain't got nuthin' on Ubergeek

Due to the Blogger issue last week, my Day Four post was up for about 15 minutes and then magically disappeared!  
Due to fact that my awesome hubby, Ubergeek, has my blog on his google reader 
and the post had been downloaded to the reader on his phone, he had my post!!  
So, without further ado....
the post you should have read on Thursday.


Day Four of Diabetes Blog Week: 10 Things You Hate About Diabetes
Check out Bitter~Sweet for more information!

These are in no particular order other than when they popped into my head!

1.  I hate that D has made food such an issue.  
     It has to be weighed, carb counted, consumed, and, to a certain extent even with the pod, timed.  There is nothing 'off limits' to Bean, but that doesn't mean portions aren't controlled or the timing of a treat isn't planned carefully.

2.  I hate that D has changed who my Bean is.  
     Don't get me wrong, D has made her stronger, more responsible, and more aware and those are good things.  BUT she's 7 for heaven's sake and shouldn't have to be concerned with carb counts or if it's OK to have another finger swipe of frosting.  
    The way she can be so out of control when her BG is high ~ that is NOT my Bean.  The way she can crumple in a heap of tears when her BG is low ~ that is NOT my Bean....well, she does have a flare for the dramatic, but not to that extreme!  The way she is visibly frustrated and angry and tells me 'I hate this! I don't want to do this anymore!' when a pod alarms for the third day in a row ~ that is NOT my Bean.  
    She's no longer just the cute little one...she's the cute little one who has to have her backpack with her at all times; she's the cute little one who has to make herself bleed before eating anything; she's the cute little one who has that 'thing' on her arm or making her shirt or dress bulge at her tummy; she's the cute little one who has to be pulled away from school work, playing, you name it, to test to make sure her BG is OK.

3.  I hate that D has taken my sleep away.  
    Again, don't get me wrong, I would trade my sleep for Bean's safety any day.  BUT I had just gotten back the blissfulness of being able to sleep through the night as Bug was close to two years old when Bean was diagnosed.  Now I'm back to being up once, twice, and sometimes as much as five times a night.  It takes it's toll and I'm running out of quarters!

4.  I hate that D has shown me a side of people that I wish I had never seen.  
    I have friends that work at Bean's school that I would have sworn would have crawled over hot coals and broken glass for her this time last year.  Now I know that as much as they might 'love' her, there are limitations to what they are willing to do and that completely breaks my heart.

5.  I hate that no matter how consistent I am with my numbers, D isn't always consistent in return. 
     I like order.  I like organization.  I like that no matter how you do the math, 1 + 1 = 2, always.  The past 11 months has shown me that with D, numbers rarely 'add up' and just because something works out well one day does not mean it will ever work that way again.  It's something I am still struggling with 'letting go.'

6.  I hate that D has made "I need a number" a phrase that is said way too many times a day.

7.  And to go along with that, I hate that D has made me see my daughter as her number far too many times. 
     I have had to make a conscious effort to ask her about every other part of how her day went before I ask or go looking at her PDM to see how her numbers were.  I hate that her life, and subsequently my life, is dictated by those numbers.

8.  I hate that D makes me feel isolated from the 'outside' world.  
    Those who don't live this life, as much as they might want and try to understand, will NEVER get it.  I know that I sound like a raving lunatic sometimes when I try to answer the 'how is she doing' question.  I know that I spout out way more information than can be comprehended by anyone not living this 24/7/365...shoot, Ubergeek has a hard time keeping up with me sometimes!!

9.  I hate that D overshadows everything.  
    Every meal, every activity, every everything.  It's always there, demanding attention; demanding to be a part, wanted or not; demanding to interrupt.  We can't leave the house without 'the kit;' we can't eat a meal or a snack without testing and dosing; we can't allow Bean to play or act or dance without making her bleed so she can be safe doing those things; we can't pack for a simple overnight event without it looking like we're going to a deserted island for a week!

10.  I hate, more than anything, that D has NO CURE.  
      I hate that the best I can do for my Bean right now is help her 'manage' this disease with multiple BG checks a day and multiple doses of insulin a day, not to mention the continuous flow of insulin she gets 24/7/365.  And the same insulin that she needs to keep her alive can also take her life.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

"We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we've learned today"


Day Seven of Diabetes Blog Week:  What We've Learned
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"And so what we have learned applies to our lives today and God has a lot to say in His book.  You see we know that God's word is for everyone and now that our song is done, we'll take a look"  Veggie Tales
you can listen to the song here if you are unfamiliar with it

Maybe the fact that it's Sunday and the fact that we're not going to church today because Bug has been running a fever for the past couple of days and Bean's cough/stuffy nose thing that we though was gone is back is why I'm stepping into the pulpit today. 

Or maybe it's simply because without my faith and trust in God, this life (D or not) would be pretty much impossible.

Or maybe it's because someone 'out there' needs to read these words today...or whenever you happen to be reading them.

Regardless of the reason, here is my sermon, of sorts, about D and the DOC.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."  Romans 8:28
          I've posted before about using this verse to help Bean through a rough night.  I know that no matter how 'bad' things with D might have been, are at the moment, or might be in the future, God will work it together for good.  Do I understand it? No.  Do I have to like it when I'm going through it? No.  Do I need to trust Him? YES!  We have seen many 'good' things come from Bean's dx.  For me, the DOC is one of the ways God has worked D for good in my life.

"Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety."  Proverbs 11:14
         I have learned countless things from the DOC.  Things that I may or may not have learned otherwise.  Now, I totally understand that the wonderful bloggers are not doctors and that nothing should be taken as medical advise.  However, hearing about what other D-moms and PWD have done is invaluable to me.  We live this D life 24/7/365 and there is a wealth of knowledge out there.  I am thankful to be privy to that information that could help make Bean's life 'better' and could potentially save her life.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26
          This is part of my prayer for my girls each night before they go to bed.  And today it is my prayer for you, my friends of the DOC.  You have given me so much in the four short months since I've found you.  You are a source of support, of 'been there, done that' knowledge, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to me vent, and a place where I can always find someone to make me smile or laugh when I need it. 
         I hope I can give back to you what you've given to me.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Smile for the Camera!


Day Six of Diabetes Blog Week:  Saturday Snapshots
Check out Bitter~Sweet for more information!

This is the 'aftermath' of a recent Pod change.  I always put everything on a piece of aluminum foil to keep the Uni-Solve from eating through my table.  And it makes it easier to just scoop everything up to toss.
BTW, we don't throw away the Pod....there is a recycle program with Insulet (the company that makes OmniPod) though we are still waiting for them to send us the bag! (need to make another phone call!)

This is how I find Bean's PDM case ALL.THE.TIME!  It drives me completely nuts!!  Throw the dang strip in the 'trash box' (empty tissue box rubber-banded to the full tissue box that is on the table where she tests!!) and zip up the flippin' case so things don't fall out and get broken or lost or whatever!

This would be the floorboard in my SUV...yes, 4-wheel drive SUVs are pretty much the norm here and yes, we USE the 4 wheel drive A.LOT!!  I'm sure this is a typical site for most of our vehicles.  What I find interesting is that there are two different types of strips.  Why is that a big deal, you might ask?  We haven't used the OneTouch meter since October!  (Well, that's not totally true...we pull it out from time to time since it gives higher number readings than Bean's PDM, but we only use it in the house!!)

And here is my sweet Bean!!  Do you see the little bulge on her tummy...that's her Pod!  She's all fixed up for her dance performance last week.  She's part of a dance group at the Alaska Chinese Association.  One of her good friends at school was adopted from China.  What's hilarious is that even in a room full of Asian kids, she's still the shortest one!!  (sorry if that wasn't PC...it's totally true, though!!)

Friday, May 13, 2011

That is Scho Aweschum!

So my Day Four Post, Ten Thing I Hate About D, was posted mere minutes before Blogger decided to go all stupid yesterday.  And now it's no where to be found!!  I hope you got to read it before it went away and I hope somehow it magically reappears because I don't know if my brain has the capacity to remember it!  I also want to let you know that I read all of your posts and it was killing me to not be able to comment.  I enjoyed all of your lists and was nodding in agreement the entire time!


Day Five of Diabetes Blog Week: Awesome Things Despite D
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First and foremost, I must say that the most awesome thing for me about Bean's diagnosis has been finding and connecting with all of the wonderful Dmamas, Dpapas, and PWDs that are a part of the DOC.  I am thankful that it was only about 6 months into this journey that Ubergeek stumbled upon a couple of blogs that opened the door of this amazing community to me.

As far as awesome things for Bean are concerned, a couple come to mind.  I'm sure I could dig around for more, but these will do for now!!

Horseback riding lessons.
    This would have never been something we would have done before D.  Sure, she might have wanted to take lessons, but it most likely would have stayed a 'want.'  However, because of D we connected with an amazing gal who has been living with D for about 6 years who happens to have a horse and happens to give lessons to a few kids.  Bean got so much more than just horseback riding lessons from her.  They were able to talk about D in a way that only those who live with it as a part of themselves can.  We are looking forward to more lessons this summer!!

    Yeah, you read that right.  I know we live in Alaska and most people would love to come camp here, but we're not really 'outdoorsy' people.  I never camped growing up in Georgia so it wasn't a part of my childhood that I felt the need to pass along to my girls.  Ubergeek's family camped, kind of....most of the stories I've heard involve an RV and handing beer to his Grandfather, who was driving said RV. Yikes!  
  Anyway...some friends we made because of D invited us to go camping and although we didn't actually 'camp' we did hang out all day outside in the cold Alaska rain (crappy, crappy summer last year).  That was huge for us.  And Bean loved every minute of it.
  That gave us the confidence to try another adventure.  We rented an RV and hung out with a group of friends from Bean's school for a weekend last summer.  And although the rain was with us the whole time, we really did have a great time and are planning to do it again this summer.  Oh, and all of the running around Bean did kept her numbers in an amazing place and she was able to enjoy lots of uncovered s'mores!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

"If We Couldn't Laugh We Would All Go Insane"

My thanks to Jimmy Buffet for those totally appropriate lyrics!
Without a huge dose of humor, those doses of insulin would drive us all nuts...well, more nuts!


Day Three of Diabetes Blog Week:  Share Bloopers
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It's been almost a year since Bean's diagnosis and there have been many tears, many choice words, and, thankfully, many laughs along the way.  Some of those laughable moments were truly funny at the time, others have found their humor over time.  Some are funny only to us; some just might be funny to you, too.

Ubergeek and Bean were at Fred Meyer (grocery store for those of you who aren't familiar).  They were grabbing a few needed items and happened to be near the bakery area.  A beeping noise rings through the air and as anyone dealing with D knows, beeps are always cause to pause and pay attention.  Without missing a step, Bean tilts her head towards her arm where her pod happens to be, then says totally nonchalantly "Nope, not me this time, Dad." 

This past Monday, Bean's Girl Scout troop had a celebration planned complete with cake and juice. (Oh, goodie!)  Knowing that she'd still need her usual after school snack to hold her until the cake was dolled out, I made sure to write out instructions to put on said snack baggie to make sure she dosed for the cake, too, but extended the dose so as not to crash in the meantime.  I told Bean what the note said and reminded her when she was getting out of the car at school that morning to remember to extend.  She asked me what her snack was and headed off for the day.  When I arrived for the celebration she immediately came up to me with a bit of a long face.  She told me that she had forgotten to dose for the cake and was hoping I would just 'straight dose' her for it so she could have some.  I asked her if she had dosed for her snack...while getting her PDM to see what had been done.  I saw that she had dosed for her snack at the correct carb amount....information that was not on the note or the snack baggie...and asked her how she knew how many carbs to dose for her snack.  She said, with a 7 year old attitude kind of voice and a bit of an eye roll, "Mom, I know how many carbs Cheez-Its are!"

And one more that I've shared before here, but it's worth repeating...

We went by the coffee stand (skinny, decaf, 3pump vanilla latte, please!) on our way to the morning's activities and that means a cookie for Bug and she knows it very well.  It was a tradition started with Bean, though she doesn't get them often now because of school more than because of D since our coffee stand stops are usually when Bean's not with us.  Granted, when Bean is with us, I let her have a little piece, too, and cover accordingly.  So, anyway...we are waiting for our yummy goodness to be handed through the window and Bug shouts from the backseat "I LOVE GRAMS!"  What?!?!  Ubergeek and I look at each other trying to figure out if we heard her right.  We both ask, "you love what?"  "GRAMS! I LOVE GRAMS!"  Then it dawns on me....every time Bean eats, she asks me "how many grams" so she can plug it into her PDM so she can bolus.  So I ask Bug if this is what she means and in her best two and a half year old 'wow, mom you are so slow' voice she replies, "Yes, I LOVE GRAMS, like Bean (uses her real name, of course) gets to eat!"

In case you are wondering...no, I didn't get my nap yesterday.  Bug took forever to go to sleep and I got sucked into all the wonderful blog posts waiting for her to quiet down.  Bean's numbers were way better, though.  And Ubergeek totally rocked the SWAG for the dessert fest that accompanied the Talent Show they went to last night.  I did get to bed early and slept for 6 hours straight!!  Granted, that meant I missed a midnight BG check (set the alarm time, but didn't turn it on, DUH!!)  Bean was at 312 when she came to crawl in bed with me at 4am after a bad dream about a frog that was eating her (what?!?).  But I wasn't that surprised since she had an uncovered snack before bed because she was at 91...nice number post dessert fest, not a nice number to go to sleep on..and when I went to bed she was at 210.  Thankfully it was an OK night to sleep!!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

To My Sweet Bean, with love


Day Two of Diabetes Blog Week: Write a Letter
Check out Bitter~Sweet for more information!

There is a long list of potential recipients of my letter for today.

I could write our first NP and tell her that she was totally wrong about Bean having to change schools because of her diagnosis and that waiting a year to even talk about a pump is ridiculous!

I could write our current NP and CDE and tell them how wonderful they are and how much Bean (and Ubergeek and I) look forward to appointments; and not just because the receptionist is a kick in the pants!

I could write Nurse at Bean's school and ask her why she didn't retire last year so we could have possibly avoided some of the problems we've had with and because of her.

I could write OmniPod and the FDA to ask where the heck is the smaller pod and, more importantly, where the heck is the one with the integrated CGM.  Would totally like to have that...um, yesterday!!

I could write to my long lost love, sleep.

But, alas, I am way too tired for all of those letters. :)  So, I am choosing to write to the most important recipient:  my sweet Bean.

My Sweet Bean,
  How do I even begin to put down in words all I want to say to you?  How could I get across to you how proud I am of you?  How is it possible to express my love?
  You, Bean, are the most amazing 7 year old I have ever and will ever know.  You amaze me daily; not just with your ability to carry the weight of D on your petite shoulders, but in the way you take on life full tilt.  You are, and have always been, a very caring soul.  Even as a toddler, you made sure that everyone in the nursery had a toy to play with.  Your generosity with your friends blows my mind sometimes ~ still trying to get over the fact that your ripped off the rhinestones from your dress because your friends wanted one!!  When one of your friends is down, you are the first to check on them and try to 'make it better.'  You are always ready with hugs for me when I'm having a rough day...those hugs are magical.
  You make me smile.  You warm my heart.  You inspire me to do better and be a better mom.

  Your life was forever changed when D showed up.  I know there are times that you wish it would go away.  Oh, how I wish that for you, too.  How I ache for you to not have to carry this.  But you have taken this challenge head on and aren't letting it slow you down one bit.  By the end of the first week, you were doing all of your own BG checks.  You quickly learned how to draw up insulin in a syringe and dial doses on your insulin pen.  You blew away the teachers, staff, and nurse at your school when you basically lead the training so they would know how to care for you.  You rock the OmniPod and it's controls.  Those little fingers of yours fly on those buttons!  Thank you for always telling me your number and amount of bolus before you hit that 'confirm' button!!!  There aren't many seven year olds, less than a year into this journey, that could do what you do!  Shoot, you even know the carb counts on most of your foods now, too!!
  I have always known that you were destined to do great things.  I have been told by countless people to 'watch out because that girl is going places.'  I know that D will never keep you from that greatness.  D might play a part in that greatness, who knows, but it won't keep you from it.  I just hope I can keep up and that I have a front row seat!
  Bean, I love you!  You are the best. 

My apologies if I was rambling....Bean had a rough BG night last night starting at 8:46 when she was 537.  So I was checking every hour through the evening and night instead of visiting with my love, sleep.  Her BG finally settled into range shortly after 4am and was a pleasant 91 for breakfast.
Now, I think I'll try to sneak in a nap! Wish me luck!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

"all our friends are different..."

"...but we love them all the same."    OK, so I'm borrowing some lyrics from Yo Gabba Gabba...the one where Muno has to have glasses for his eye; or would it be 'glass' for his eye since he only has one eye?  (Yeah, brain is kinda mushy this morning!)


Day One of Diabetes Blog Week 2011: Admiring our Differences.  
Check out Bitter~Sweet for more information.

As a mom of a T1 I am drawn to other moms with T1s.  It's only natural to want to know that you are not alone on this journey; that there are others spending their nights doing BG checks instead of sleeping, measuring food and counting carbs every time their kid(s) eat, looking over numbers and trying to find patterns and making adjustments, worrying about what the future will hold.

It is in other D-mom blogs that I find reassurance, support, great ideas (both for what to do and what to try to avoid), shared tears, and much needed laughter.  Some of these moms have kids younger than my Bean; some older.  Some have been doing this years longer than I have; some are very close in time to Bean's dx; some are just starting on this journey.  Some manage MDIs, use the OmniPod like Bean, or one of many other pumps.  

There are so many differences among a group of moms who have so much in common.  Some can always find the silver lining; some like to rip the cloud a new one in search of said lining; some just give the cloud the finger and could careless about the lining.  I appreciate each perspective; each way of dealing with this maddening disease.

Then there are the blogs of those who have been living with T1 for years and year.  Those who were diagnosed as children and are now adults sharing their stories.  My current obsession is Diabetesaliciousness.
Just the name in an of itself always makes me smile...and who doesn't need a smile?  Then there is the way that Kelly is able to transport me with her posts.  It's like I'm right there living them with her.  And I totally appreciate her bitch-switch....I hope Bean is able to use her effectively when she needs to; for now I have to flip my switch on her behalf sometimes!
It's through Kelly's blog that I'm able to see an amazing future for Bean.  Not that I feel that D has taken away the future I dreamed for her; it's just that now that future will have an unwanted, constant tag-a-long.  Knowing that there are amazing women like Kelly out there living their inspiring Glamazon life is an inspiration.  Just one of many I hope Bean will look up to and find comfort in knowing that others have been where she is and haven't let D get in their way.

I am blessed to have found the DOC.  I am thankful that each blog has it's own story to tell, it's own perspective about this same life we are all living in one way or another.  

"All my friend are different, but I love them all the same!"

Saturday, May 7, 2011


According to Merriam-Webster, mother is defined as follows:
     a female parent;     a woman in authority;     source, origin;    
     maternal tenderness or affection;     something that is an extreme
     or ultimate example of its kind

I am "a female parent."
   I remember my first Mother's Day as a mother.  I had no baby to hold; no cute dress or suit to pick out for brunch.  I had had two miscarriages in 6 months.  Both at different stages so no pattern had formed to provide answers.  I knew that those precious ones were safe and that I would someday get to see them and hug them.  I knew I was a mother, but it sure didn't feel like it that day.
  The next Mother's Day, Bean was with us...all cute little 4 months of her, with her precious cleft smile, and big brown eyes that could melt your heart.

Most days I consider myself "a woman in authority."
  Though I must be honest and tell you that Bug is giving me a run for my money these days.  She is two months from being three and I can already tell that we're moving from the 'terrible twos' into the 'totally trying threes.'

As far as "source, origin" is concerned....um, have you read this post?
  I am the source of food, the origin of outfits, the finder of all things lost or in completely plain view, the one everyone comes to for any and everything whether my help is truly needed or not.

Do I have "maternal tenderness or affection?"
  Yes, yes I do.  Is it hard to find some days...yes, yes it is.  But I am working my way back to the place where my first reaction is empathy and not frustration.  I want my girls to know more hugs and kisses and kind words of encouragement and praise.  Do they know I love them....yes, hell yes.  Do I do a great job of showing it in a way that they need me to show it....not all the time, but I am striving to be better.

Now, on to the "something that is an extreme or ultimate example of its kind."
  Oh to be able to say that I am the ultimate example of a pancreas would be amazing...a total and outright lie, but amazing none-the-less.  Do I work my butt off each and every day at being a pancreas....um, YES!  Do I look over BG numbers and try to figure out patterns to make adjustments so Bean's quality of life is improved both for now and for her future...um, hell YES!  Do I lose sleep each and every night to make sure she is safe...um, total no-brainer YES!  Do I sometimes totally miss a SWAG....yes!  Do I sometimes look at the number on the meter and wonder where in the world it came from....yes, yes, yes!  Do I beat myself up over this stupid disease that won't play by the rules, much less acknowledge that there are rules....I wish I could say 'no' but it's a total 'yes.'  Do I hope, pray, dream, wish for a cure....YES!  Do I wish I could make it all just go away for my Bean and for all the other CWD and PWD so we/they could just enjoy life like any other 'normal' person...oh hell to the yesity yes, yes!!

Mother.  More than letters put together to form a word.  More than just a word with a few definitions.  It's an all consuming passion that overtakes you and never lets you go.  It's a desire to see your child(ren) succeed and thrive and enjoy life to the fullest.  It's a gut feeling that tells you when something is 'off' or 'not right' and can literally save the reason you are a mother in the first place.  It's knowing that no matter how old they get or how much of a pain they are, they will always be 'yours' and will always make your heart sing and ache at the same time.

For my wonderful new friends of the DOC....my fellow D-moms,  I hope your Mother's Day is full of wonderfulness.  And I pray that D cuts us all some slack just for the day; or at the very least plays more by the rules than not and doesn't totally screw up our day!!  Hugs to all of you!!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Well, Miracles Never Cease!

I was enjoying a rare nap this afternoon.  Not a snooze on the couch.  No.  A full on, in my pjs, in my bed, N.A.P.

Having gone to bed later than I should have last night (when will I learn?!?) and being up twice to check on Bean because we're trying out a new dinner ratio and having to be up early this morning to go accompany Bean to a performance I was T.I.R.E.D.  (gosh, I"m liking those capitals and periods, huh?)

So, there I was, blissfully dozing when my phone started buzzing.  I've learned that the buzzing wakes me but doesn't 'scare me awake' like the ring does, and who needs that extra adrenaline rush?  I see the caller ID and it's Bean's school.  Quick glance at the clock and see that it's time for her to be dosing for her after school snack before Drama Club.

Hi Denise, it's Nurse.  She's at 66 and she's having her apple sauce.  What else do I need to have her do?

Whoa? What?  
First, Nurse is never there that late in the afternoon.  
Second, she's actually following the directions on what to do if Bean is lower than 70?!?! 

I told her to have her test again in 15mins to make sure she's going up and that she could go ahead and have her snack, too.  Bean wanted to talk to me, so I told her basically the same thing except she didn't want to eat her snack yet....kinda odd, but she sounded totally 'with it'...she then explained that if she ate her snack then she wouldn't have anything to eat when her friends were eating...makes total sense, so I told her she could wait.

I got off the phone and immediately decided I was heading to school.  Bug was still napping but it just so happened Ubergeek decided to come home from work early because he wasn't feel well so off I went.  Had he not been home, I probably would have debated with myself for a while and ended up going anyway having a cranky Bug along for the, er, fun.

By the time I got there, Bean had just tested again and was up to 84.  Applesauce raises her slowly.  I went ahead and had her dose for her snack, but entered the 66 so it would give her a smaller amount of insulin.  (If she had been at 84 when she initially tested, she would have dosed for her snack like usual, so it didn't bother me to have her bolus.  And, I didn't want her sky rocketing either.)

I went through the records on her PDM (controller for the OmniPod) to see if I could make sense of this low since she's only gone low one other time at school and that was after the recess debacle. Nothing there to really shed any light other than what I already knew about the day.
(Bean had a dance performance this morning and had a snack after.  One hour later she was testing a dosing for lunch, so she was higher than she usually is for lunch and thus had a correction as well as her meal coverage bolus.  She usually does OK with corrections with meals; it's the 'stand alone' corrections that can drop her.  We might need to look at that correction factor a bit more closely!)
I went to talk with her teacher and he mentioned that he asked her in the afternoon if she was feeling OK; if she was feel low.  She said she felt fine and didn't feel low.  He, of course, wished he had had her go check...gotta love hindsight!  They did have Sport (P.E) this afternoon, so I went to talk with that teacher to see if what they did was more active than usual...nope.  Plus, Bean has never had issues with Sport because the timing is close enough to when she's eaten that it doesn't effect her like recess can.
So, no real information to help me figure out where the 66 came from.  Isn't that just like D to leave absolutely no clues!!

Anyway, the rest of the afternoon and evening have brought low-ish numbers: 76 before dinner, 116 two hours post dinner (snack given and covered at half of the recommended bolus); 122  forty-five minutes post snack and time for bed (snack given with no coverage).  We'll see what the night brings!
(Oh, she did pop up to 175 an hour post after school snack, in case you were wondering!)

So thinking that new dinner ratio is not doing what we wanted it to do.  We had adjusted it trying to deal with the 9-11pm spike she's having of late.  We had upped her basal from 7-9 and that didn't do the trick.  I'm thinking I'm putting her dinner ratio back to what it was and playing around with the basal a bit.  I don't want her running that low at night and I've had to turn off her basal and/or give her a snack the past few nights to ward off overnight lows.  It's a never ending process!!!

Anyway...so glad that the school did what it was supposed to do this time!!
Miracles never cease!!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I want to be Done

It's raining today.  It's that annoying rain that is more than a sprinkle but not enough for an umbrella...not that anyone in Alaska uses an umbrella.  The kind of rain that makes you want to curl up in a cocoon and forget that the world exists.

I'm sure that's why my mood is in the crapper today.  Why I am struggling to find the 'want to' for those things that 'have to' get done.  Why I want to be done with so many of those little annoying things that most days I can look past or at least deal with in a much better way.  Today is not one of those days.

Today I want to be done with disobedient children.  The ones that do exactly what you've told them not to do.  The ones that don't do what you need them to do.  The ones that have been told at least a million times not to do certain things and those are the only things they are doing.

Today I want to be done with people who can't figure out how to do simple things on their own.  Like getting off of the couch to get their blanket that is all of three feet from them on the floor....nope, I'm expected to stop what I'm doing to get said blanket.  Like putting the shirt that has to be worn this afternoon in the dyer themselves...nope, I have to do the laundry shuffle and then deliver the shirt to said person.  (yeah, I know you said you meant to do it, but the fact remains that when I told you where the shirt was the thought never even crossed your mind to put it in the dryer yourself until I commented that you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself.)  Like throwing away the yogurt container after breakfast...nope, I come back from taking said person to school to find it on the table waiting for the maid to clean up. Oh, wait, there's no maid!!

Today I want to be done with being tired from not sleeping at night.  Yes, I said it.  I'm done with not being able to sleep.  I go to bed tired, I wake up multiple times in the night tired, I drag myself out of the bed in the morning tired ~ only to hear how tired all of the other people in my house who have slept through the night are.  I know, I know...there's not a choice in this one.  Bean has to be checked in the middle of the night to ensure her safety.  And I wouldn't trade my sleep for her life, E.V.E.R!  But, today I'd really like to be done with being tired.

Today I want to be done with the cycle I'm in of wanting to eat better and exercise so I can lose weight and feel better about myself.  I want to be able to do it, but that goes back to the being utterly exhausted which doesn't lend itself to having the energy to exercise and more opportunities to just eat whatever's easiest to grab.  I've been in this cycle for far too long...I want to be done.

Today I want to be done.  I want to just walk away from this messy house, the stress of everyone depending on me for everything, the guilt that I feel from not getting things done that need to be done.  I want to escape.

I know that's not possible.  I know I can never be done and so I keep going...crappy attitude, tears and all.  I know that the rain will stop and the sun will shine again...literally and figuratively.  I just have to wait it out and do the best I can until those clouds break.

Oh, did I happen to mention that I'm premenstrual?  Can't imagine that would have anything to do with the craptastic mood I'm in!!! :)

Thanks for listening to me whine.  I think I'm done now....

Monday, May 2, 2011

In the Land of Fairies and Donuts

I spent the longest 24 hours of my life in Fairy Hell this weekend.

I was one of the chaperons for a Girl Scout Overnight Event so Bean could participate.  And let me tell you that staying in a cabin with 14 7 year olds dressed like fairies is NOT Fairy Heaven!!  Overall, the event was great.  The girls had a ton of fun trapesing through the woods to find the perfect spot to build a fairy house, made a fairy costume (complete with tulle skirt, wings, and crown), various 'fairy' crafts like making fairies out of pipe cleaners, wooden ball, and paper flowers, a rolling elf, and book about what they liked best decorated with fairy stickers.  True bliss for 7 year old girls!

D cooperated fairly (ha, ha!) well.  We had done an early pod change Friday night to avoid having to do one while at the event (actual change should have been before dinner on Saturday).  And of course, the pod alarms during the bathroom break after dinner Saturday!!  So, back to the cabin for quick change before the evening's festivities began.  BGs were pretty good....one 303 after the pod change, but it didn't surprise me at all since we plan pod changes to go with a bolus we can bump up to get the pod really primed; one 77 when I checked her two hours before breakfast but a little milk boosted her just fine; and we totally kicked syrup's a$$ at breakfast...no huge spike that generally keeps us away from pancakes and waffles with syrup!  She was in range two hours after breakfast....yipee!!!

During the insanity of those 24 hours I remembered that the Children's Ministry at church was doing their 'store' for the 'bucks' they give out on Sunday.  Bean had saved up $91 of said bucks and was so excited about getting to spend them.  Thankfully there is a late afternoon service, so there was time to get back from the overnight event (which she kept calling the 'night over event'...too cute!) and get her changed for church.  Ubergeek graciously took her so I could crash on the couch otherwise I would have been sleeping during service!!

When they got home, Ubergeek told me that they had donuts during the 'store' and Bean was offered one.  She said, "thanks, but I can't have it right now; but could I have one to take home, please?"  Such a great kid!!  Only problem was, they wrapped in it a tissue (who does that with a sticky donut?!?!?) so by the time they got home the tissue had become a part of the donut making it impossible to eat.  Enter tears of overly tired, totally bummed out Bean.  So, off to the store they went to get a replacement donut...Ubergeek is awesome like that....and they even brought one home for me, too!

Needless to say as soon as Bug goes down for her nap...in about 5 minutes...I will be napping, too!  I was up at 5:30 this morning to get ready to set up for the Teacher Appreciation Breakfast this morning at school...who's brilliant idea was it to schedule a breakfast to start at 7:30 the morning after the afore mentioned overnight event?  Oh, that was me!!  Duh!!!!