I have been at a loss.
Just can't seem to wrap my head around much of anything, D-related or not.
I feel like I'm in a fog and can't quite make out the path ahead of me.
I am still doing the long term sub that was supposed to be over in November. Loving that I'm still teaching; loving (well, liking some of) the kids; enjoying the needed pay check. However, I feel like I'm just going through the motions most days. Biding my time until the full time teacher starts. And I don't like it.
I just went through some stuff (I'll spare you the details) in preparation for an IUD that I won't be getting. All is well, but the process and waiting in between appointments had me almost numb, apathetic to whatever may or may not come as a result of the tests and ultrasounds and biopsies. Oops, sorry, those were details. ;)
I have been coming up with nothing inspired when looking over Bean's BGs. Lots of things are off: overnight basals, afternoon basals, or could it be correction factors and I/C ratios. I just don't know for sure. Yeah, I've been doing adjustments and tweaks, but they are not resulting in the desired results. And is frustrating in and of itself, but it's not pushing me towards any epiphanies.
And then there's the fact that it's January. It's cold, it's dark (although we are gaining daylight, yeah!), and it's the anniversary of my dad's passing. It's impossible to keep that tucked away in the back of my mind, where I keep...shove...it most of the time. It seeps into my thoughts and takes me back to three years ago, whether I want to go or not.
So, here I am. Drawing a blank. In a bit of a fog, unable to clearly make out where my next step will take me.
And to a certain extent, I'm OK with it; and that kinda concerns me.
But then there's the control freak inside me that starts screaming at me to snap out of it and take back that control. Problem is, I'm getting too good at ignoring that screaming at the moment.