It hit me this evening.
It's nothing that I don't already know; that I don't already see.
But, none-the-less, it hit me this evening.
Bean was in the bath tub. I was helping her wash her hair. And for whatever reason, her pod, dexcom sensor, and medical alert bracelet seemed larger than life. It was like they were screaming 'look at me.'
Diabetes is always there; always a part of her.
During bath time, when (even though they are water proof) we have to be aware to not over soak adhesive so her pod and dexcom sensor don't prematurely let loose.
During dance performances, when we try to position her pod so it's not totally obvious in her cute costumes.
During Drama Club performances, when her pod alarms during a scene and I have to leave the audience and run around back stage to find her PDM to deactivate it so the wonderful beeeeeep that she's trying to muffle will shut up.
During school, when I get a call over the radio to ask about the carb count for a random birthday cupcake; or when I get a call because she's low before recess; or when I have to help her do a pod change because she's alarmed just sitting in class doing her work.
During meals, when she has to decide before one bite goes into her mouth everything she's going to want to eat, including dessert, so we can calculate the correct carbs so her PDM can deliver the correct amount of insulin.
During sleep, when she pulls her finger away because she knows I'm going to poke it; or when she has to down a juice box that she won't remember drinking in the morning; or when she wets the bed because of a high that won't budge.
During playtime, when she has to stop and test her blood sugar because she feels low; or I have her stop and test because she's being overly obnoxious to her sister and I'm pretty dang sure it's because she's high.
During overnight events, when I have to go or she doesn't get to and we have to pack TONS of stuff for 'just in case' events that might happen that no one else has to worry about.
During every second of every day of her life.
She never gets a break.
Never gets to take a minute, much less a day, off.
Never gets to eat without testing and dosing.
Never gets to leave the house without her kit.
Not until there is a cure will Bean ever have a moment without Diabetes being a part of her.
I know this; have known this for almost 21 months now.
It's nothing new.
It just hit me again this evening and it sucks.