Monday, July 11, 2011

What About Bean?

It's not like she has a phobia about leaving the house.

It's not like she has a contagious viral or bacterial infection.

She has Type 1 Diabetes.

She can test her own blood sugar.

She can fly though the screens on her PDM to give herself a bolus with her Omnipod.

She knows when something is 'off'...more with lows than highs, but she's tuning into the highs.

She's just spent an entire week away from home at camp and did great.

So, why is it that when there are conversations among our friends of girls spending the night with each other, Bean isn't included?

Just this weekend I had to listen to a mom talk about how her daughter wanted to have a friend spend the night but this one was busy and that one couldn't come over and this one had plans and that one was out of town and she finally found someone to spend the night.  Bean was nowhere on that list and eye contact with me was avoided.

Sure, I get that it can be intimidating for those who don't live our life.  But, these friends have been around and have seen how independent Bean is and always comment about how amazing it is that she is 'in control' of her diabetes.

It just makes me sad to know that she's not even a thought when these girls are going through the list of possible 'spend the night' friends.

I think I need to get the ball rolling by having Bean pick a friend to spend the night here...a bit tricky with Bug since most of the girls don't have younger siblings to 'deal with' and as any little sister does, Bug wants to be smack dab in the middle of the action.  

But, worth figuring out so Bean can have the 'normalness' of a sleep over.

Because isn't that what being a 7yr old girl is all about?


  1. Hi Denise! I can understand your frustration and sadness. On the other hand, as you mentioned, it would be sort of scary to have a cwd stay over your house if you're not completely comfortable with taking care of them.

    I think you're doing the best thing by having a sleepover at your house. I'm sure the girls will have a blast!

  2. This is something I think about a lot with my daughter. She is just 5, so the issue hasn't come up yet, but I think about how many sleepovers I went on when I was younger and wonder how and even if it will work for her. That is very interesting and sad that they talk about it in front of you, but don't bring up having your daughter over?! I wonder if they are trying to broach the subject with you and see what you say about it...who knows. I think that having someone stay over at your house first is perfect and then maybe other Moms will be more open to the idea of your daughter spending the night. How would you go about the whole checking in the middle of the night thing if she is at someone's house? Just curious and can't wait to hear how it all works out for you!

  3. My opinion? I think sleepovers are WAY overrated. Kids have fun until way too late and then in those last 5 minutes of getting ready for bed it is a scramble to make the 'guest' happy with YOUR routine, or trying to replicate THEIR routine. Then there is the next day hangover grouchies. Let's not even start on the middle school girl clickie sleepovers. Yikes!

    At our house I like my kids to be home to sleep. Friends can stay over as late as their parents are willing to come and get thenm, and my kids are allowed to do the same elsewhere. I am always up for letting the kids stay out later (even taking p.j.'s) as long as it means I get to tuck them into their own bed at some point. This works very well for us, and my kids always end up thanking me in the morning.

    That said . . . . put sweet Bean on an airplane and I will keep her as long as you will let me!!!!!

  4. I think that is a great idea...if they aren't willing to get the ball rolling on having her stay the night with them...then you should get the ball rolling and prove to these parents (and kids) that she is just as normal as they are, if not more normal since she has a great mom like you that lets her be normal!!! Not sure that made sense, but hopefully you catch my drift!

  5. This is a tough one. I think I lucked out a little since Justin is a boy and they don't do that as much... but the play dates and stuff break my heart.

  6. I think if we start the ball rolling, then the invites comes. I have seen it with my own Grace. When I invite other girls to sleep over, or on playdates and I make it so it's seamless and they can all eat, play, whatever, it opens the door for those kids to invite Grace to things, they have experience now. I think it's great what you plan to do!

  7. Ok, Amy had a good idea! : ) I was going to say you may have to start the sleepover "trade-out". Start by having a friend or two (if that helps Bug), and then have single friends over. Bug will just have to understand she'll get her turn sooner or later.
    Once they know Bean is "open for business" and they owe you, things will turn around. My daughter has only slept away three times, but she has the girls over to our house, so she doesn't miss too much. : ) It's just a girl thing. I don't know why-we did it too. : ) ('cause it's a longer playdate?) Hope it gets better. She can come here too!!!!! : ) Mary Claire would love a friend over! : )

  8. I have so been here. I get it. Same-Same. We have had some of Joe's friends spend the night here, but he has not been invited anywhere for a sleep-over. When/if he is...I will do what it takes to make it happen. Love you and your Sweet Bean.

  9. We do sleepovers at our house too. I'm more comfortable with that, even though Joyful Monkey does a great job managing herself. I'll sleep better, too!

  10. Sweets is too young, thank goodness. But it's coming.... Ugh. It's the same with playdates in general. It's hard. And heartbreaking.
    We are going on a "girls only" campout with her BFF, her BFF's mom, another friend and her kids (only little boys allowed). She is so excited! This is as good as it gets right now!

  11. I have been anticipating this stuff too Denise since Emma is 7 as well...too bad we don't live closer to each other or the two 7 yr olds could have TONS of sleepovers! :o) I hear ya though about that Mom...Emma was not invited to one particular bday party this year (the ONLY girl not invited in the class actually!) and I am positive that it's because the Mom didn't want to "deal with" the diabetes aspect of it...people are so ignorant

  12. The idea of her being excluded just broke my heart. People are just way too intimidated by D.

    I think having someone spend the night at your house first is brilliant! Go for it, I'm sure they'll all have a blast (Bug included!!!) :)


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