It's raining today. It's that annoying rain that is more than a sprinkle but not enough for an umbrella...not that anyone in Alaska uses an umbrella. The kind of rain that makes you want to curl up in a cocoon and forget that the world exists.
I'm sure that's why my mood is in the crapper today. Why I am struggling to find the 'want to' for those things that 'have to' get done. Why I want to be done with so many of those little annoying things that most days I can look past or at least deal with in a much better way. Today is not one of those days.
Today I want to be done with disobedient children. The ones that do exactly what you've told them not to do. The ones that don't do what you need them to do. The ones that have been told at least a million times not to do certain things and those are the only things they are doing.
Today I want to be done with people who can't figure out how to do simple things on their own. Like getting off of the couch to get their blanket that is all of three feet from them on the floor....nope, I'm expected to stop what I'm doing to get said blanket. Like putting the shirt that has to be worn this afternoon in the dyer themselves...nope, I have to do the laundry shuffle and then deliver the shirt to said person. (yeah, I know you said you meant to do it, but the fact remains that when I told you where the shirt was the thought never even crossed your mind to put it in the dryer yourself until I commented that you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself.) Like throwing away the yogurt container after breakfast...nope, I come back from taking said person to school to find it on the table waiting for the maid to clean up. Oh, wait, there's no maid!!
Today I want to be done with being tired from not sleeping at night. Yes, I said it. I'm done with not being able to sleep. I go to bed tired, I wake up multiple times in the night tired, I drag myself out of the bed in the morning tired ~ only to hear how tired all of the other people in my house who have slept through the night are. I know, I know...there's not a choice in this one. Bean has to be checked in the middle of the night to ensure her safety. And I wouldn't trade my sleep for her life, E.V.E.R! But, today I'd really like to be done with being tired.
Today I want to be done with the cycle I'm in of wanting to eat better and exercise so I can lose weight and feel better about myself. I want to be able to do it, but that goes back to the being utterly exhausted which doesn't lend itself to having the energy to exercise and more opportunities to just eat whatever's easiest to grab. I've been in this cycle for far too long...I want to be done.
Today I want to be done. I want to just walk away from this messy house, the stress of everyone depending on me for everything, the guilt that I feel from not getting things done that need to be done. I want to escape.
I know that's not possible. I know I can never be done and so I keep going...crappy attitude, tears and all. I know that the rain will stop and the sun will shine again...literally and figuratively. I just have to wait it out and do the best I can until those clouds break.
Oh, did I happen to mention that I'm premenstrual? Can't imagine that would have anything to do with the craptastic mood I'm in!!! :)
Thanks for listening to me whine. I think I'm done now....