Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Miffed/Pissed in Minn/StPaul

Um.....I am at a loss at where to begin this post.

Let's start off by letting you know that I'm currently sitting on my mother's couch!! :)  Flights were a bit bumpy but being on an airplane by myself was really nice....first time that's happened in seven years.  I totally felt like I was forgetting a TON of stuff...like the girls! :)

So, on my layover, I called Ubergeek to let him know I had made it 'halfway' and to see how things were going at home.  He was a little on edge about a comment that had been made in response to my 'complaining' post.

He read it to me and I, too, was quite irritated.  

Since this commenter chose to stay anonymous, I cannot email him/her directly to set him/her straight.

So, I'll be happy to do it so everyone can read it.  The original comment will be in italics and my response will be in bold.

At one year post-dx, I am puzzled as to why Uber-geek has not been trained to treat a low blood sugar of 70, and, since he was already up, wait an extra 15 minutes to recheck his child's blood sugar. 
Ubergeek has been fully trained on how to treat a low blood sugar of 70.  He was with Bean (and me) at the hospital when she was diagnosed and for all of the training.  He has taken off work for every NP and CDE appointment, being fully engaged and involved in the discussions.  
He is not the one who does the night checks and on that particular night had been up very late working with a client so he wouldn't need to take time away from the girls while I am gone.  While I was annoyed that he fell asleep, I wasn't surprised...he's one of those lucky people who can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Having only one parent do all the D care is unfair, and dangerous. Treating a 70, and checking to see how much IOB is left is routine and is not beyond the capabilities of anyone in our household; this includes siblings, grandparents, etc. and the child herself, since the age of 9 or 10, if she is awake.
Ubergeek is involved in Bean's D-care, just not on the level I am.  He's more than  capable...he's the one who is totally in charge while I'm out of the state this week, so obviously he knows what he's doing!
Treating a 70 is not beyond the capabilities of anyone in our household either....in fact Bug (who is not quite 3) knows that when Bean is low she needs a snack!  Bean, who is not quite 7 1/2 is aware of her lows (and even wakes from them at times) and has been since about a month post dx. 
Ubergeek's hesitation (if you could even call it that) was his way of processing through several options and wanting me to have a chance to wake up and process what I thought would be best.   We use different snacks for different 'lows' and have been trying different combinations, so he wanted to make sure he was on the same wave length.

 If a spouse is too exhausted, at some point he/she won't respond to the alarm when he/she needs to, sleep through it with possibly dangerous consequences.
On this night in particular, Ubergeek checked Bean a good 45mins before my alarm was set to go off.  He very well could have kept her from going even lower before I checked her, thus preventing a possibly dangerous consequence!  

 I would take uber post haste back to the endos office and have him trained properly. 
As stated before, Ubergeek has been to all appointments.  Just because he is not the primary D-care giver does not mean he wasn't or isn't trained properly.

And uber should be more considerate of his spouse's need for a few hours uninterrupted sleep, which is probably about all she gets most nights.
While I agree that more uninterrupted sleep would be nice, I have the ability most days to grab a nap during Bug's nap.  Ubergeek, however, doesn't have the luxury of napping at work and he also works with clients some evenings which has afforded me the ability to be a stay at home mom for the past seven years.

I think that about covers it. 

Oh, wait...one more thing.....unless you take the time to really get to know my family, you have no right to criticize how we do D at our house.  Even then you still don't have the right to criticize, but may offer some words of advice from your personal experience that we would take or leave as we saw fit.  

Are we perfect....hell to the no.  

Do we do our best every hour of every day....yes, yes we do.  

Do we strive to do even better....um, duh, YES!

Everyone living life with D does it a bit differently.  Respect and understanding is what we need....not criticism, especially from anonymous people.


  1. I have seen some negativity in the DOC and it makes my heart sad, I'm so sorry that you too got some of this in a blog comment. =( I hope you have a wonderful trip, get lots of sleep and go back home completely refreshed!

  2. Dang it, I'm PISSED. Pissed that you got a "diabetes mommy drive-by" .... who in the hell thinks that a comment like that is helpful?? I'll be perfectly honest and say that in my house, I'd say that I'm more up to speed on diabetes-related things, but that is because I am a SAHM and Adam is with me 99% of the time!! How dare someone criticize you.

    I hope you enjoy your trip, Denise! ((hugs))

  3. Well, it looks like everything is coming up roses in Anon's home! Uninterrupted sleep, parents who are able to split all D care 50/50, a plethora of trained and trusted family members, and superb critical thinking skills - even in the middle of the night.

    Well, good for them!

    Personally, I feel your post demonstrated what a hard working provider you have for a husband. It showed compassion, and demonstrated the heart of a father's unconditional love when he listened to his instincts. Mothers are always getting credit for our instincts -- HI FIVE UBERGEEK! It showed consideration in that he was discussing the situation, and wanted to make sure you were informed of all the variables when your alarm did go off. The way I see it, it would have been downright irresponsible to treat the low, and then go to sleep without discussing it with you, knowing that you'd be up to check her in 45 minutes. You could have woken up to a 300 and -- let's face it -- troubleshooting highs at night are a PAIN ... geez, you could have ended up doing a site change had you not known all the pertinent facts.

    The bottom line, though? Anon, you DON'T live in this house. If this couple has found a way to manage D that suits them, their marriage, and their family...then NO ONE has a right to criticize it. I'm glad things are rosy posy over there. Seriously. That's great. But that doesn't mean life isn't rosy posy for someone who does things differently.

  4. I just got a moment to read through your complaining post, I must have missed it when you posted it. All I see is a tired mama (aren't we all) who can't get back to sleep until she empties her frustrations in the moment on to her computer and in to the blogging world. Is that not why we all blog? So we can dump it here and not let it bog down our lives?! I loved ubergeek's comment! I can tell you have a great relationship. You are an awesome team of d-rents and your girls are lucky to have you both. <3

  5. Oy, I'm with Heidi. I could feel your exhaustion and so totally get the whole tired...slightly annoyed at the spouse thing...but that does not mean that they aren't superheroes in their own right. Way to address anon's comment point-by-point. AND...please say "hi" to Uber from Reyna and the BB Crew. xoxo

  6. I agree with the above comments..!! Have a great trip :)
    Love and prayers

  7. I like Stephanie's observation: "diabetes mommy drive-by" . . . . . hehehehehe.

    K. Seriously. This negative crappola needs to end. As D-rents, our emotions are a tad bit on the frayed side and we never know what kind of stupid talk will pop the last thread of sanity. Every day I pray that stupid remark will come from my husband; so I can punch him, cuss at him, ask for forgiveness and move on. Who else would take that kind of punishment but a loving spouse?! ;)

    I got your back, sista. I just wish 'anon' could meet us in Alaska and try to run that schpeal by the two of us . . . . good luck, buddy. Two D-Tiger mother are exponentially more dangerous than one!!!!! :)

  8. Big hugs to the entire family there. Diabetes is exhausting for everyone involved, and it sounds like everyone is doing their best.

    I'm sorry to hear that you got a less-than-supportive comment. Breaks my heart every time. Everyone works so hard to keep the blogging community positive, and then this sort of stuff pops up. Sorry that you and your family had to go through that.

    Much love to you and yours, and if you find yourself with some extra time in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, please give me a shout! Would love to grab a coffee/Diet Coke and visit.

  9. HI!! I am so sorry I missed the first post! This stinks that someone would spill such hate on your blog. I mean really we come here to vent, grow adjust and help. If you cant offer something to say that is helpful then pooey on you. I know that in my house things work much like they do in yours and my hubby is just as trained and usefull as Ubergeek. I mean of course we have our frustrations with the situation but there is no way that they arent helping or being 100% behind the D problems. Brian is trained 100% as well it is his life too as a Type 1 and yet he is still coming to me as the main caregiver of Joshua for support and advice.
    Big hugs to you and Ubergeek and just know this person doesnt deserve your engery of frustration.

  10. Fantastic response to a stupidly ignorant anon person!

    Wow, sometimes I just don't get the nerve of people!

    Frustrated here for you!

  11. Great response! You used a lot less "bad" language than I may have :)

    What is up with Google??? ACK!!!

  12. Ugh, so sorry you had to deal with that negativity. No wonder they posted anonymously.
    I totally get the checking in with the spouse on treating a low. It has nothing to do with NOT KNOWING what to do. While I do all the day management, my hubby does the night so on those rare nights I do a night check, I will check with him on what to do because he is the expert on that time frame. If he wasn't around (or asleep), I could handle it just fine of course.
    Anyhow, I hope this commenter doesn't keep you from posting/venting in the future.
    ((HUGS)) and love!!

  13. Girl.... Ugh. That just makes me shake my head. Have people never heard the whole "if you don't have anything nice to say".... Then don't say it!!?!? It's so frustrating when people leave rude comments, know it all comments, snarky comments... People second guessing you. Judging. Because I'm sure that THEY are perfect, right? Never get ticked at a spouse? Never get upset by D? Never so tired they need intravenous caffeine? Never make a mistake? Never see a number out of range? And, OF COURSE, it's an anon comment. Well... We know life is not a fairy tale and no one is perfect. We each do our BEST to make it thru this crazy life, to do right by our kids...

    You are awesome. You do a great job. You've got a great fam and a routine that works well for you. That is obvious from reading your blog. So take that know it all comment and throw it in the circular file where it belongs. ((hugs))

  14. I'm just now catching up on blogs (have been busy with the kids for the past several days) and I discover this! It's so upsetting to me that someone would anonymously comment like that. Like Hallie and as a mom of three, I'm always telling my kids, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." The DOC is supposed to be where we support each other, not criticize. I'm glad you posted this and set "anon" straight.

    I read your "complaining" post and you just sounded tired to me. Been there, blogged like that! :) Anyone who regularly reads your blog knows there's more to the story and knows that Ubergeek is a great dad and husband!

    Hope you're able to move beyond this nonsense and have a wonderful trip!!!


  15. So since my pc crashed I have to randomly check each blog cause blogger isnt showing all updates on my cell.

    Anyhooo im sorry ive been out of the loop. Eff that Anon. Real brave hiding behind a post. Im off to read the other post but regardless we support not put each other down!


  16. Mama, you're doing awesome things for your child. You know that in your heart. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

  17. Umm..what a day to find you, I see your comments elsewhere and wanted to stop by! : ) I had to go farther to read the Complaining post! : /
    I'm so sorry for the negative attitude-both you and Ubergeek sound like you are on top of things, and it all sounds perfectly normal to me! I do all of our daughter's care, so I think you are lucky to have him do as much as he does! : )
    Hope you are getting sleep on your trip! : ) Holly


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